Confessional Living

Taking a good look in the mirror… acknowledging what is actually there… and then living out that vision can require a certain level of honesty that is often times not very easy to do.  Truth is that, what is actually there isn’t always pretty… and most people tend to only want to show what is desirable… not what is worn and tattered.

This way of living can be referred to as: confessional living.

Many of us at one point or another have had the experience of putting a great deal of energy into maintaining an image that life is better than what it actually is.  For many of us, this took the shape of covering up a bad relationship in the home so that friends and family members aren’t able to get a good glimpse into the separation that is being experienced between two people.

Sin is anything that breaks relationships.  We’ve all contributed to the breaking of relationships at some point.  Unfortunately… we’ve become better at covering up the sin than we have at letting a healing light be shed on it that we learn to become masters in masquerading.  ‘Nothing to see here.’ … and if there is nothing to see… well, there is nothing to confess.

With ‘nothing to confess’… the relationship will undoubtedly experience such a separation, that a breaking will take place.  And that is when all hell will break loose.

Forcing an exposure of that which was unconfessed or unseen can bring a level of violence at emotional, mental, sometimes physical, and spiritual levels that can wear down an individual rather quickly… but then again… you probably know that.

You need to be realistic about the nature of the broken relationship.  You’ve experienced them.  You may feel like it’s killing you.  But keep this in mind… the damage done to you is not the last word on your relationship with yourself, or with others.

You can be set free.

Below are five things to keep in mind as you adopt a confessional life, rather than a coercive, manipulative life that you hope will protect your image, or a relationship that is long since broken.

Be honest about the bad in your life.  Nobody is perfect, and every new day is an opportunity to come to terms with this.  It doesn’t matter the lies that may be spread about you… even if that is what is forming ‘popular’ or facebook opinion about you.  If you spend more time defending yourself against the voices of others… you will not take the time to be honest to yourself… about yourself.

Invite someone you trust to come in and look at the bad in your life.  We can get by with a little help from our friends.  In our relationship, we have a simple framework that provides the safety needed to come to the table who we are… no more, no less.  Three things: allow for randomness… no retreat… no judgement (see below).

Tell it like it is.  Within the framework mentioned above, you have space to not to have to be serious all the time, or just allow what comes to your heart/mind to come out (randomness)… you have the space to wrestle through running away from letting your voice be heard (no retreat)… you have the space to just be you without getting belittled or looked down on (no judgement).  I will expand this in a later post.

Lay down the power to control how others see you.  Some days may be easier to do this than others.  There is going to be a temptation to project upon others what you want them to see… but this is what tends to get us in trouble in the first place.  When we put a certain image out there, then we will eventually need to spend energy maintaining it… and then we lose sight of the honesty needed to be real with our self.  To remedy this temptation: nurture the close and safe relationships you have versus spreading yourself out there.  As you heal and strengthen in less relationship, you’ll have the ability to expand your boundaries (should you choose to).

Lay down the power to control how others see your abuser.  Chances are good, you’ve got haters on your hand.  Those who are not going to like seeing you find a life without them.  These people ‘know’ you… these people ‘know’ your buttons… these people ‘know’ how to keep you in your place.  You have probably spent a great deal of energy protecting these people over the years, and now that you have made the break from them… hell has been unleashed upon you.  This is the point where the abuser is able to become the ‘victim’ to family and friends… and you are going to want everyone to see these frauds for who they really are.  You are going to be tempted to beat the monster… by becoming the monster… at which point, you’ve played right into their hand.  Fight or flight are not the only two options… there is a third way…

(more to come…)


The Mocking Series: The Likes of Us

Any time someone is able to strap an abstract label on another person or persons in how they handle their business with them, it should be a key indicator for us that they are less in touch with reality and diminished in their capacity to deal with what is best in life then they would want us to believe.

Typically, these people are more concerned with their public image than they are the personal relationships in their lives.

This idea was brought to life the novel and on the silver screen in the Wizard of Oz.

The Wizard is one of the characters that magnifies this reality. Unseen, but ever the object sought after for most of this story, he is the ruler of the Land of Oz and highly honored, and somewhat worshiped by his subjects. Believing he is the only man capable of solving their problems, Dorothy Gale and her friends travel to the Emerald City, the capital of Oz, to meet him. Oz is very reluctant to meet them, but eventually each is granted an audience, one by one. In each of these occasions, the Wizard appears in a different form, once as a giant head, once as a beautiful fairy, once as a ball of fire, and once as a horrible monster. When, at last, he grants an audience to all of them at once, he seems to be a disembodied voice.

Eventually, it is revealed that Oz is actually none of these things, but rather an ordinary conman from Omaha, Nebraska, who has been using a lot of elaborate magic tricks and props to make himself seem “great and powerful.”  Working as a magician for a circus, he wrote OZ (the initials of his first two forenames, Oscar being his first, and Zoroaster being the first of his seven middle names) on the side of his hot air balloon for promotional purposes. One day his balloon sailed into the Land of Oz, and he found himself worshipped as a great sorcerer. As Oz had no leadership at the time, he became Supreme Ruler of the kingdom, and did his best to sustain the myth.

It wasn’t until Toto, the trusty sidekick dog of Dorothy, pulled back the curtain that hid the conman, did everyone get a glimpse of the real person who had been behind the smoke and mirrors the whole time.

Prior to the unveiling, OZ was able to keep everyone in the dark about his true self, by strapping on labels such as, ‘All Knowing’, or ‘Great and Powerful’.

Prior to the unveiling, OZ was able to keep everyone in check by stripping them of their dignity by using words that would relate and reinforce their predicament to who they were as individuals (i.e. the Tinman was clinking clanking collection of collagenous junk).

On one hand, the Wizard was able to project an image of himself that was out of touch with the reality of who he really was… on the other hand, he was able to project an image of others that was out of touch with the reality of who they really were.

Seemingly then… the Wizard had all the power and influence.

As we’ve mentioned, however… the reality that surrounded this man was false.  Without the ability to project the labels he relied on with the use of power and influence, this man would have been seen for what he really was… a conman.

Pulling back the curtains and revealing the true nature of a person who builds a false reality on the persuasion and illusion that they desire everyone to just buy hook and sinker can be quite and undertaking… and there is no doubt, you will be met with desperation and psychotic behavior.  At times, it can be downright scary.



Often times it is done during a moment in your life when you have broken free from the labels they have imposed upon you… so just being able to have your voice heard is a new experience.  Equally as daunting is that this new behavior on your part is not within the boundaries that your oppressor desires you to live within.  If you find yourself in this position… expect the oppressive nature that you have lived under for so long to be magnified at you… and possibly carried out to your friends and family members.

The ‘great and powerful’ ones need to have you under control… and if they can’t control you… know that you will be punished and will feel it.  They will stop at nothing.  If you have made the break, and felt the freedom that comes from it… rest assured, you will feel anew the weight that you carried for so many years.


These abusers are ‘label factories’.  Just when you think that they are at a point where they could be moving on… another label comes again.

‘The Likes of You’ is one in a series of nebulous labels that has come our way in recent years.  We don’t spend a lot of time trying to figure out exactly what it means.  It is the most nebulous one to date… it almost feels like bait on a hook meant to lure a person into the mucky waters of a twisted reality.

If you’ve ever made that break from an abuser… you understand the twisted games that they play not to deal directly with you as a human being… but rather as a thing that has forgotten their submissive function in their lives.  They just want you to get back in your place.

Don’t take the bait.

‘The Likes of YOU’ is not a thing with a function.

‘The Likes of YOU’ is a wonderful, one of a kind creation that has a voice.

‘The Likes of YOU’ has empathy… they do not.

‘The Likes of YOU’ can feel remorse… they cannot.

‘The Likes of YOU’ has reasoning skills… they only want it their way… period.

And if things don’t work out the way they would have it… well…