Love is not blind…

When we are in relationship, and begin to describe with appreciation the pieces of their lives that others may leave unnoticed… or label as undesirable… we may hear people say to us, that, ‘love is blind.’

It is a phrase that is meant to communicate that ‘love’ somehow hinders us from seeing what is actually right in front of us.

It is a phrase that is meant to communicate that we would rather live in a fantasy world that we can choose to see only what we want… the way that we want.

It is a phrase that is meant to communicate that we are more willing to project that fantasy on someone, rather than see them for who they are… thus making them acceptable to us as lovers.  Because, lets face it… (cynically spoken)…

if you really saw what was there, you wouldn’t be so in love with them.

To be fair… in some form, all of us are unlovely… in ways seen or unseen (back down a bit… just being honest).  I mean, who among us, after being told how attractive we are, has thought, “yeah… you should see me in the morning.”

And that’s just the physical stuff…

In matters of the heart, the ‘unloveliness’ runs below the surface of skin deep, and to those who blindness, love does not see truth, but creates an illusion that we choose as a drug to incapacitate our dealings with reality.

All that to say… the popular saying, ‘Love is Blindness’… is wrong.

It’s quite the contrary… because… as a matter of fact, it is hate that is blind.

It is habit that is blind.

It is condescension that is blind.

It is cynicism that is blind.

Love opens eyes.  Love makes it possible to see what has always been there, but has been passed over because of haste or indifference.

Love corrects distortions in vision caused by selfishness and allows us to see with appreciation, the uniquness of the one in front of us.

Love cures farsightedness by bring into the moment, opportunities for intimacy… knowing… being known… and belonging.

Where there is suffering…

_DSC0108If you’ve ever been going through a rough or foggy time, you may be familiar with the fact that other peoples attempts to help can sometimes be bungled up a bit.

When there is sickness, depression or pain, the least helpful phrase can be ‘everything is going to be ok.’

Truth is, everything may be ok… and we know that.

However, everything in that immediate situation may not be ok… and we know that, too.

It is in those moments, that what we really need from those close enough to be in the core of our suffering is someone who will be patient and courageous enough to sit with us… to be with us… in what we are going through.

It is important that we give each other the honor of just paying attention.

Laugh with each other when there is happiness.

Shed tears with each other when there is sorrow.

Listen to each other… even when there is silence.