|א. לַמְנַצֵּחַ לְדָוִד מִזְמוֹר יְהֹוָה חֲקַרְתַּנִי וַתֵּדָע:|
|ב. אַתָּה יָדַעְתָּ שִׁבְתִּי וְקוּמִי בַּנְתָּה לְרֵעִי מֵרָחוֹק:|
|ג. אָרְחִי וְרִבְעִי זֵרִיתָ וְכָל דְּרָכַי הִסְכַּנְתָּה:|
|ד. כִּי אֵין מִלָּה בִלְשׁוֹנִי הֵן יְהֹוָה יָדַעְתָּ כֻלָּהּ:|
|ה. אָחוֹר וָקֶדֶם צַרְתָּנִי וַתָּשֶׁת עָלַי כַּפֶּכָה:|
|ו. פְּלִיאָה דַעַת מִמֶּנִּי נִשְׂגְּבָה לֹא אוּכַל לָהּ:|
|ז. אָנָה אֵלֵךְ מֵרוּחֶךָ וְאָנָה מִפָּנֶיךָ אֶבְרָח:|
|ח. אִם אֶסַּק שָׁמַיִם שָׁם אָתָּה וְאַצִּיעָה שְּׁאוֹל הִנֶּךָּ:|
|ט. אֶשָּׂא כַנְפֵי שָׁחַר אֶשְׁכְּנָה בְּאַחֲרִית יָם:|
|י. גַּם שָׁם יָדְךָ תַנְחֵנִי וְתֹאחֲזֵנִי יְמִינֶךָ:|
|יא. וָאֹמַר אַךְ חֹשֶׁךְ יְשׁוּפֵנִי וְלַיְלָה אוֹר בַּעֲדֵנִי:|
|יב. גַּם חֹשֶׁךְ לֹא יַחְשִׁיךְ מִמֶּךָּ וְלַיְלָה כַּיּוֹם יָאִיר כַּחֲשֵׁיכָה כָּאוֹרָה:|
|יג. כִּי אַתָּה קָנִיתָ כִלְיֹתָי תְּסֻכֵּנִי בְּבֶטֶן אִמִּי:|
|יד. אוֹדְךָ עַל כִּי נוֹרָאוֹת נִפְלֵיתִי נִפְלָאִים מַעֲשֶׂיךָ וְנַפְשִׁי יֹדַעַת מְאֹד:|
|טו. לֹא נִכְחַד עָצְמִי מִמֶּךָּ אֲשֶׁר עֻשֵּׂיתִי בַסֵּתֶר רֻקַּמְתִּי בְּתַחְתִּיּוֹת אָרֶץ:|
|טז. גָּלְמִי | רָאוּ עֵינֶיךָ וְעַל סִפְרְךָ כֻּלָּם יִכָּתֵבוּ יָמִים יֻצָּרוּ וְלוֹ אֶחָד בָּהֶם:|
|יז. וְלִי מַה יָּקְרוּ רֵעֶיךָ אֵל מֶה עָצְמוּ רָאשֵׁיהֶם:|
|יח. אֶסְפְּרֵם מֵחוֹל יִרְבּוּן הֱקִיצֹתִי וְעוֹדִי עִמָּךְ:|
|יט. אִם תִּקְטֹל אֱלוֹהַּ | רָשָׁע וְאַנְשֵׁי דָמִים סוּרוּ מֶנִּי:|
|כ. אֲשֶׁר יֹמְרוּךָ לִמְזִמָּה נָשׂוּא לַשָּׁוְא עָרֶיךָ:|
|כא. הֲלוֹא מְשַׂנְאֶיךָ יְהֹוָה | אֶשְׂנָא וּבִתְקוֹמְמֶיךָ אֶתְקוֹטָט:|
|כב. תַּכְלִית שִׂנְאָה שְׂנֵאתִים לְאֹיְבִים הָיוּ לִי:|
|כג. חָקְרֵנִי אֵל וְדַע לְבָבִי בְּחָנֵנִי וְדַע שַׂרְעַפָּי:|
|כד. וּרְאֵה אִם דֶּרֶךְ עֹצֶב בִּי וּנְחֵנִי בְּדֶרֶךְ עוֹלָם:|
I was in my early twenties when I first heard this read at a concert by a band that broke up shortly afterward (I believe it was their second to last show). I was standing off to the corner of the stage… and was completely captivated by the words that were patiently spoken.
It was in those moments that I was awakened to the innocent truth that my whole life… I simply… desired… to.. be… known.
It’s not rocket science… despite the dysfunction that is present in any family or social group, some folks have a healthy grasp on knowing and being known without a heavy dose of personal shame attached.
It’s a longing that always seems out of reach… pain and separation for some is more the norm than the exception and loneliness is the mire that must be walked through… one foot… in front… of.. the… other…
It’s up to you to decide… how well known you are.
If you’ve found yourself in relationships where something has been lacking… then you know the chasm that longs to be filled…
If you’ve found yourself in relationships where you have been fulfilled… then you know the longing for intimacy is tended to…
Most of us find ourselves somewhere in the middle…
You know where you are at.
The Hebrew words written above are Psalm 139. Verse 1 simply says… “Oh Lord, You have searched me out, and You know.”
How often have we looked in the mirror… or laid awake in bed at night… or sat across from someone that we care about and wondered if we would ever be able to communicate the areas of our soul that easily understood… and those that are a mystery?
How often have we been burdened under the weight of our own shame from poor choices or failures… and wondered if it would ever be safe to show our true colors?
How often have we not been able to find the appropriate words of gratitude and appreciation for someone that we love?
How often have we ever wondered how long our broken life would remain shattered under the weight of heartbreak or mis-understanding?
And here begins a Psalm that acknowledges that God has searched us… and… knows…
That much exposure (whether we like it or not) can be a breath of fresh air for some… and terrifying for others. And as you continue to read through the Psalm, you are given a glimpse at how multi-dimensional this searching and knowing goes.
Practical areas of life are not trivial enough to elude God’s searching and knowing (vs 2-3)…
Every word and thought has been searched and known (vs 4)…
Continue to read on through the Psalm and you will discover that time, space, knowledge, motive, aspiration, depression, joy, physical well-being… and so many other facets are all in God’s sights when it comes to us… and yet…
there… is… nothing… to… fear…
We can rest in God’s knowledge of us… we can trust… and we can know…
…that we have a starting point… for dealing with our experience in this world… and dare to ask the big questions that have plagued humanity… throughout all time…
What does it mean to be loved?
What does it mean to be me?
Where did all of this pain come from?
Will You be angry if I keep asking questions? If I doubt? If I can’t get to the root of this shame?
Will I ever be able to love someone else? to feel safe in their arms? to be me?
My journey into the Scriptures… while linear through space and time… had Psalm 139 as a starting point in my early twenties… and I frequently revisit it… every time I need a Square One.
I come here… before I go to Jesus… because when I need to understand things like forgiveness and salvation… I need to be honest enough to be able to go back to the beginning… over and over again…
And in the Bible… the first page of the story… starts with a poem… that goes…
“In the beginning…”