One day, I had the opportunity to overhear a group of women discussing their husbands and all of the things that the men ‘used to do for them’… but don’t any more. It was jovial and lighthearted conversation… and one in which I chimed in on asking if I should take notes. They bantered back, explaining that I should, and eventually asked if there was anything that I had promised Amy that I would do, that I no longer do. Things like… always bringing flowers… opening the car door… leaving little notes.
Now… while none of those items are bad things to do, I’ve learned enough throughout the years to know that making promises like that are… practically speaking… just setting myself up for failure. That’s not the kind of pressure that either of us need.
So… that was my initial response: “I’m not going to set myself up for failure like that.” The ladies laughed and told me that I was probably right.
I didn’t want to leave it out their hanging like that, even though there is enough valued truth in that statement to ponder on how all of us tend to make commitments to each other from time to time that somehow lock us into a box when it comes to meeting the needs of our loved ones.
So… I continued: One thing that we have committed to is to keep ‘random’ foundational in our relationship. Random is the gift of the unexpected… the undeserved.
Random keeps our eyes open to creating moments for the other person that reminds them when they least expect it, that they were thought of, and that intention was put into letting them know that.
Random keeps our eyes open to what is happening in the world around us, and allows us to see how the smallest pieces of life, that may go unnoticed can be turned into an opportunity to say: I love you.
It’s stopping by work on a rainy day, and moving their car closer to the door so they don’t need to get totally drenched after a long day at the office.
It’s little notes left on a pile of comfy clothes all laid out on the bed when the other person arrives home.
It’s crafting a salad with heart shaped edibles for the other person to see when they dive in for their lunch time meal.
It’s going in to work just a little bit late so those extra minutes can be spent under the covers in each others arms to help the morning get off to a little bit slower of a start.
Random creates the perfect paradox for expecting the unexpected… and saying to each other: I do know you… I still want to know more about you… and I’ll meet you in this space, even when we are not together.